guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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