Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
