it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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