in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
