just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
