so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
