Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
