I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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