I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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