I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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