My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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