a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
