i need an iv and a liver transplant
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
