i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
