You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
