sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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