So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
