Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
