yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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