I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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