When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
