Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
