Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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