My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
