her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
