why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
