You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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