Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
