if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
