I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
