I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
