but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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