The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
