i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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