i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
