Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
