I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
