HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
