i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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