When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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