I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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