was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
