Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can you bring me the toilet please
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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