My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
