Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
