dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize