I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
