By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
