He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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