you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
