There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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