Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
