you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
