Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
