Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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