Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
