Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
