Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
